"Folk Tales and Poetry" The "Lady of Nam Xuong" is an ancient folktale that tells of a young woman named Thiet Vu who entertained her young son by casting her own shadow on the wall and telling him it was his absent father. When his father, Truong, returned from the war, the son refused to believe he was really his father, telling him, "You cannot be my father because my father comes home to me each night." When Truong accuses his wife of unfaithfulness, she throws herself into the Red River and drowns. When that night Truong lights a lamp and his son points to the shadow and says, "There is my father now," Truong grieves for his mistake. In the village of Nam Xuong, a temple is established to honor the love and loyalty of the good wife Thiet Vu. This story presents the ideal behavior of a woman who according to traditional morality must remain faithful to her husband until her death (even if her husband dies before her). To be accused of unfaithfulness is too great a shame for Thiet Vu to endure. This is a true story!

The next reading, an article by Cong Huyen Ton Nu Nha Trang, explains the Confucian precepts that were supposed to govern the behavior of women. According to the Three Submissions (Tam Tong), an unmarried girl submitted to her father's wishes; a married woman, to her husband's; and a widow to her son's. Fidelity, including sexual faithfulness, was crucial, "an expression of the woman's ultimate value of chastity" (66). Thiet Vu demonstrates these virtues, as do many other heroes of Vietnamese stories. In Luc Van Tien, for example, a nineteenth century verse narrative, the hero, Kieu Nguyet Nga, who has already pledged to marry Luc Van Tien, fights off the advances of another man with these words:

"A woman," she [Kieu Nguyet Nga] said, "Must engrave in her heart the phrase fidelity-purity; and devote herself to fulfilling the word submission [tong]. In life as in death there must be only one husband." Both the Three Submissions and the Three Bonds were taught in a very well-known poem called "Song of Family Education" [Gia Huan Ca], a work usually attributed to Nguyen Trai, a high- ranking mandarin in the fifteenth century court of the Le^ emperors. This poem also mentions the Four Virtues [Tu DDuc] for women.

Here is an example: Here is some advice on a woman's role: Be sure to listen to the old stories. Observe how the virtuous daughters-in-law of the past behaved. Follow the four virtues: appearance, work, correct speech, and proper behavior. Work means cooking rice and cakes-- How neatly the virtuous woman sews and mends! Appearance means a pretty face and dignified demeanor-- Not careless and sloppy, everything in place. Correct speech is to know how to use the polite phrases; Proper behavior means to be loyal, filially pious respectful and trustworthy. Since olden time’s daughters-in-law Proper in appearance, work, speech, and behavior rose above their earthly existence. A woman should be polite and proper, be sure to observe the Three Bonds. Though you share the same mat, the same bed with him, Treat your husband as you would treat your king or your father. As a subject be loyal [trung], as a daughter be filially pious [hieu], as a wife strive to build a relationship based on respect. Do not take pride in money; do not become conceited because you are smart or clever. The way to be a good concubine or wife is to obey Just as the way to be a man is to worship one's king as one's father.

Cong Huyen asks how these Confucian rules for female conduct imported from China were applied in the actual life not of the elite but of common Vietnamese. Drawing on proverbs and folk poetry, she concludes that among the common people a wife's relationship to her husband was not one of total submission but of "equal and mutual responsibilities," a relationship captured in the proverb: "In harmony, husband and wife can even drain the Pacific Ocean" [Thuan vo., Thuan Chong / Ta't be DDong cung can]